And there's progress on the eating front!

I have Binge Eating Disorder. I've been diagnosed twice. I have tried a thousand diets: calorie counting, Fit or Fat, Weight Watchers, South Beach, SparkPeople, the list goes on. I have had a million "tomorrows"- you know, the day when you're going to start taking control. And I have had countless moments in my life where I felt like I was a failure because I couldn't control what I ate.

But guess what? I am now free. I am so excited about the things I don't do anymore: I don't diet, obsess about food, or binge. Even better: I DO stop eating when I'm full, enjoy my food more than I used to, and treat myself with respect and  little bit of love (the love could use some multiplying, but I'll get there). In fact, I haven't gained weight since February, and I've actually LOST a couple pounds.

You want to know what's going on, don't you?!

I have been eating intuitively. There is a book called "Intutive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works," and I've been using what it says. What does it say? In a quick tiny nutshell, it says: eat what you want, eat when you're hungry, and stop when you're satsified. I'll tell you more about it later.

I actually have a history with this book. I've struggled with eating for a long time, so when I went to my first counseling session when I got to college, I told my counselor that I wanted to lose weight and that I was on a diet. She immediately said, "NO! Don't diet ever again. Get this book, and go talk to this person about it." So I got the book and talked to the person. I could tell that it was a great book, and the person was super helpful, but something just wasn't clicking. All I can say is that it must not have been God's plan for me to start following the book then, because I wasn't ready.

However, I kept the book. I really liked it, even though it wasn't clicking. Fast forward through countless diets and endless food misery, and arrive in Spring 2010. I am fed up with diets and my failure with them, and I give up. That might sound bad, but you have to consider what I'm giving up on. I'm  not giving up on hope of myself, I'm giving up on DIETS. They are making me miserable. And around the time that I give up, I stop gaining weight. It must be a miracle, right?

Fast forward again, to summer 2010. I remember the book. And I realize, "Wow, I think I might be doing what the book says without trying!" I was. For some reason when I stopped fighting, I won.

I've been working on it since, then and I plan to share my journey with it with you!

I'm back...

Ok, so I haven't posted in awhile. I can explain.

I started writing this blog because I knew there was something wrong with the way I was eating, and I wanted to share my journey of "fixing" that. I had decided that the way to do that was through a partial hospitalization program for mental health. So, when I had to leave that program, I felt like my blog was over. But it's not.

Let's talk about leaving the program. Basically, I'm not healthy enough to go (to the place for sick people...). I know, it confused me, too. However, my psychiatrist said that I really could be too sick to commit to such a full schedule. I agree. And at first I thought that it was a bad thing, but after some discussion with my new counselor (yay!) I have realized that I didn't "quit", I made a healthy choice to leave.

I am happy to give you a positive update on my disorders (Bipolar and Binge). They are both doing considerably better! I am back on a new bipolar medication that I had taken before (but had to quit for insurance reasons) and it's working just as well now as it did then! I am crying much less frequently; down from every day to every couple weeks. My mood is so much more stable, and I have been more active. However, I am still a long way from healthy; I'll tell you more about my recent experience with that in a future post.

My progress with my Binge Eating Disorder has been so HUGE that it deserves it's on post. So I'm going to end this one (happily because I'm back) and start a new one!