Last week was my first full week of PH, and I faced some struggles. I mentioned in the beginning that I have a "quitting complex" where I will be very excited about something new in the beginning, but I soon lose motivation and quit. Well, the appropriate amount of time has passed and I've tried to quit PH. I sent an email to my psychiatrist to ask for advice, and it summed things up nicely:
"I have been going to Partial Hospitalization for a couple of weeks now- 5 days so far. I am having some feelings that are typical for me. I was really excited about going when I first started, but the last few days I've decided I don't like it and that I'm not sure if I want to continue participating. There are a lot of things I like about it, and I can't come up with a very good reason for why I want to quit, I just know my brain is telling me loud and clear that I don't have the energy for it and that it's not going to help me anyway.
I don't know what to do. I've already called in sick once and left early once. I have no motivation to go. I've tried going even when I didn't want to but I hated being there and that was the day I left early. My brain says I want to quit but my heart doesn't want to lose the hope I've put in going. What should I do?
Also, lately I've had absolutely no energy. I'm not sleeping more, I just feel so depressed and void of energy."
I think that the most important part of this is that my heart doesn't want to lose the hope I've put in going. After much sleepy deliberation, I called in sick again today, but I had a huge internal struggle because I desperately wanted to go, I just couldn't find the energy. (The good news is that my lack of energy is likely to respond to medication. As of yesterday, I have some new med changes, and I feel hopeful about them.)
I hope that Wednesday I will write a new post about how I went and had a great day.
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