I'm shocked. I just found out that ANOTHER couple that's our age (I'm 21) is getting divorced. I hurt for them. They were great together, and they were one of our favorite couples to hang out with before they moved halfway across the country. They have 2 kids, a house, and a loving family to support them. And it still didn't work out. I feel so much empathy/sympathy for them.
I have never dated anyone except my husband. That means that the only relationship I've been in is the one I'll be in for the rest of my life. Since my only relationship has worked out, I don't know what it's like to be with, or love and lose, someone who isn't my soul mate. So when I imagine losing a boyfriend or husband, I imagine my life essentially ending. I am positive that I could not live without my husband. Literally, I don't know how I would do it. So when I see a couple who was in love break up, all I can do is hurt for them.
I don't want to come across as stuck up or condescending at all. I am awful with men. I don't know how to flirt, I either clam up or act like a freak, and I've never had a guy like me back except for my husband. I know how amazingly blessed I am to have the relationship that I have. And although we have our fair (or not so fair) share of problems, I would consider us (relatively) happy.
Ok, I said I would tell you what I'm doing to get back on track. Here it is: I am doing the things I did right in the first place. What were those things? Here you go:
1)I gave up. I stopped trying to control my food. I stopped judging what I was eating. I removed the emotional entanglement from my eating experience. Does this mean I don't eat in response to emotions? No, it just means I stopped the mess of thoughts that was leading to the mess of emotions surrounding the way I ate. And all I did to do that was... Give Up.
2) I ate whatever I wanted to eat. If I wanted pizza every day, I ate it every day. (That's actually a realistic approximation for me. I. Love. Pizza.) If I wanted 5 cookies, I ate 5 cookies. If I wanted half a bag of chips, I ate half a bag of chips. And you know what? Overtime, I started to eat pizza ONCE week, and I started to eat only TWO cookies. And I started to eat chips out of a bowl instead of the bag because as it turns out, I stop eating whenever I run out of what's in front of me (usually)! Then I noticed that I was eating fruits, and the occasional vegetable, and food other than pizza and chips and cookies. And how did this happen? I gave myself absolute permission to eat whatever I wanted.
3) I ate whenever I felt like it. Now, the IE book says to only eat when you're hungry. But to me, that reminded me too much of the things (diets) I did before I Gave Up. So I eat whenever I feel like it. Just like giving myself permission to eat whatever I want makes me eventually eat less, giving myself permission to eat whenever I want makes me eat less often, too.
4)I stopped eating when I felt like I was ready. Again, the IE book says to stop eating when I'm satisfied. But sometimes I'm not ready to stop eating when I'm satisfied. My stomach fills up awfully quickly for a stomach that's been stretched out so much! So I keep eating until I feel ready to stop. This is where trusting myself comes in. I have to trust that I will eventually be ready to stop eating. And what helps me stop eating? Knowing that I can eat again in 5 minutes if I feel like it. (See #3)
So that's basically what I was doing when I stopped gaining weight close to a year ago. But then I got in my head, I got depressed, I got confused, I tried waaaayyy too hard, and I started to gain weight again.
So now, I am going back to this. My counselor told me that if I know what works for me, I should NEVER let anyone else tell me to do something different. And I like my counselor, so I'm going to listen to her. :)
me.TOO!
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